Pauly’s Guide to Your Patriots Draft (2018 Repost)

-by Pauly

[ADMIN’S NOTE: This was originally written for the 2016 draft. It’s too funny not to leave in 2016 –  or in 2017, when I re-posted it once already. This is probably going to become an annual thing.]

There are already plenty of sites and articles aimed at giving you greater insight into the top prospects’ strengths and weaknesses and even more forecasting when they’ll be drafted and by whom. So, instead of writing something player-specific with a limited shelf life, I wanted to give you a Patriots draft guide that will be as applicable 5 years from now as it is today. So, as much as I wanted to hunker down in front of YouTube, squinting at grainy footage of the backup left guard from Minnesota Mining & Dentistry College for hours on end, I saw a greater need. (That’s right. It’s not that I didn’t want to put in the effort, it’s that I… uh… okay I didn’t want to put in the effort.)

You know that relative that gets waaaaaaaaaaaaay more drunk than everyone else at family gatherings? That’s the draft. It’s Crazy Uncle Vito, devolving right in front of your eyes from the guy who taught you how to ride a bike to the guy drinking vanilla extract when all the beer is gone.

Every team is, in their own unique way, Crazy Uncle Vito. Choosing how big a risk they want to take until the night wears on and risk is all there’s left to take. The Patriots are no exception to this.

First Round – Almost Normal

Even Crazy Uncle Vito shows up to the shindig (fairly) sober. He’s charming. He’s happy to be here. He displays an almost normal-human grasp on the concept of “personal space.” You can let him interact with the kids without feeling like you’re one moment away from saying “oh god NO!” at any given time. In short, he’s as predictable as he’s going to be for the rest of the evening.

And so it is with the Pats. You’ll at least have heard of the player they take. And it’s almost a bonus to hear Kiper call one a reach at that spot (Seymour, Mayo, Mankins) because it’s a good sign they’ll still be around in 10 years. If a really good player falls a bit too far (Vince Wilfork, Malcom Brown) they’ll scoop him up. If a solid citizen with clear starter skills in an area of need is there (Solder, Hightower, Jones) they’ll pluck him and call it a day. If not, they’re trading back. Because Crazy Uncle Vito loves extra 4th- and 6th-round picks almost as much as he likes his Narragansett Lager.

Second Round – Where the Questionable Choices Start

The night is still young and so is Crazy Uncle Vito. Or at least he thinks he is. Everybody is still happy to see each other. The appetizers are being scarfed down. Everybody has found the beer, though Crazy Uncle Vito is a little ahead of the curve there. He’s a little louder than anybody else. The slaps on the back are getting a little harder. He’s dropped the first f-bomb in front of the kiddos but there is, at least, a “whoops” not far behind it.

In the draft, this is where the Pats sometimes get a little ahead of the curve. Taking a safety from football powerhouse Illinois (Wilson) who… um… might have been there a few rounds later. Taking “the other guy” from Boston College (Brace) or Florida (Cunningham). I’d also point out the injury risk guys (Dowling) but since one of them turned into a tight end for the ages (Gronk) it buys them a lot of leeway here.

Third & Fourth Round – Needs? We Have Needs?

The relatives who only see him once a year are starting to remember exactly why the word “Crazy” is permanently prefixed to “Uncle Vito.” He’s telling questionable jokes to the more reserved relatives. His hand is lingering a little too long on the shoulders and knees of the prettier nieces. He’s heading into your bathroom with a cigarette and a lighter.

This is about the point in the draft where the Pats seem to remember those positions everybody else thought they needed to address early in the draft. Oh you thought we needed another RB (Ridley)? Backup QB (Mallett)? Some younger WRs (Tate, Price… sigh)? A pass rusher perhaps (Bequette… again sigh)? Half the Rutgers secondary? C’mon, all you talking heads said we needed to fix that secondary…wasn’t that what you had in mind? *snickers evilly*

Fifth Round – The Unsurprising Surprise

There is, you always know, going to be that point in the night where Crazy Uncle Vito does something that only Crazy Uncle Vito would do. Offer a joint to one of the kids. Pee in the kitchen sink. Flash grandma. You don’t know exactly what it will be, but you know when it is coming and, when it happens, you will be completely unsurprised.

And just like Crazy Uncle Vito, the Pats are predictable here. If at all possible, the Pats are taking a specialist (Slater, Cardona, Mesko). Unless of course they already took him late in the 4th (Gost). Or unless there’s a guy battling cancer (Cannon).

Sixth Round – Where Miracles Happen

The reason why the family doesn’t just shun Crazy Uncle Vito from the gatherings, other than because he’s family, is because, for all the moments of unpredictably irresponsible (and borderline unforgivable) behavior, he’s the only member of the family who can also make a truly random-yet-transcendent moment that everyone talks about years later. The loud, lengthy fart that punctured a BBQ that had gotten too serious. The perfect drunken retort to the aunt who was getting a little too preachy. Getting people to laugh at your grandfather’s funeral. Whatever. They don’t happen often. But when they happen, you remember them forever.

And you will remember forever what round TFB12 was drafted in. That’s right. The same one as the rugby player with one year of football under his belt (Ebner) who likely sends Coach Vrabel a Rolex every year for Christmas for whatever it was he said to BB that got him drafted.

Seventh Round – Where Anything Else Happens

Going out in a blaze of glory (infamy? notoriety? felony?) is a given with Crazy Uncle Vito. Is he leaving in a police cruiser? On a Mardi Gras float? On little Timmy’s bicycle? Or does he wind up sleeping on the couch? Who knows! But it’s going to be fun to watch.

The 7th round is exactly the same way. Anything can happen here. A QB from Kent State? Check! A QB who barely started for his college team? Why not! Yet another Rutgers player? As if you could have too many. Players who mistakenly punch cops? Pfffft—he probably had it coming. You get the point. It’s my favorite round. With the Patriots, you feel like nothing is off the table. If they drafted a Zimbabwean cricket player here would it really surprise you? The winner of the Kentucky Derby? An inanimate Abdow’s Big Boy statue? Okay, I’ll stop now.

The point is—it’s a ride. Enjoy the ride. They aren’t going to take players we wanted. They are going to take at least one safety that will make Mel Kiper drink bourbon on air. So have fun with it. Make a drinking game out of it. Down a shot every time they draft someone from Florida or Rutgers. Pound a tall boy every time they pick someone who no longer has the knees he was born with. Because, in the end, they could draft eight belly dancers with heart defects and still win the division.

Enjoy.

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SonySoxJim
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SonySoxJim

Hugo, you’ll probably have a take on this:

Why has Chandler Jones done so much better in Arizona than he did in NE? Scheme?

dp73
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dp73

I ‘m not Hugo but ……. 🙂

I would say that BB moved him around more. Less coverage and less playing inside. We are more of a game plan team where as Arizona is more of a do what they do team.

That said Jones won more football games here.
Jones made more $ there.

SonySoxJim
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SonySoxJim

Yeah, I guess I haven’t watched a lot of AZ games, so I’m going of of stats, and obviously, sacks aren’t the be-all-end-all, but he’s really come on the last couple years.

JLStokes
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JLStokes

I’d argue that he has less responsibilities. His job is to get the QB and stop the run on the way there if possible.

JLStokes
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JLStokes

Trent Brown is a MASSIVE human being.

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

@JoshNorris The longer I do this, the more clear it is that the draft process is about finding flaws in players rather than identifying the positives in prospects. And that really sucks.
Why shouldn’t it be about finding flaws in players? You can talk yourself into every prospect in NFL history if you “focus on their positives”.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

In fact if teams spent more.time looking at deficiencies in the prospects the league might have a better image.

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

The prospects you can’t poke a hole in (Bradley Chubb, Da’Ron Payne) – those are the real blue chippers. From there it’s a matter of how many things you’re willing to bet on the player improving or overcoming.
NFL teams are pretty damn good at the draft.

vitamalt
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vitamalt

So the Redskins owner be pimping.

rondo723
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rondo723

I like football, but I hate the NFL and I hate myself for making excuses in my mind that allow me to continue to watch NFL football. I’m not sure what I’m going to do.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

I’ve been in that boat for a while now. I’ve convinced myself that my time following the NFL ends with Brady and Belichick.

rondo723
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rondo723

Yeah I’ve said the same to myself but it just feels like another excuse or a way to make myself feel better about it. Everything that comes out about how the league operates is horrible and often inhumane. If I were a stronger-willed and more principled person I’d stop watching right now.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

The President is looking into the most serious matters concerning our nation: https://www.boston.com/news/politics/2018/05/03/donald-trump-bill-belichick-phone-call-tom-brady-status

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

I don’t know what’s satire anymore.

MrLucky
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MrLucky

The angle of Reiss’ picture he took of Trent Brown is hilarious. Need a picture of them standing next to each other.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

I read a fun fact about Sony Michel. He played for American Heritage school in Plantation, FL and their team was known as Patriots.

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

“I love Sony,” Green said on Adam Schefter’s podcast. “You know his versatility and him going to New England – that’s my pick for Rookie of the Year. Mark it down.”
If his knees make it through the season.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

Was it an ACL injury? How far removed?

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

No ACL Injury. But he reportedly has a degenerative knee condition. Bone on bone like Easley. You knew BB couldn’t pass that up!

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

Yikes. That is not a good sign for a RB. I recalled he had fractured his shoulder blade in his freshman year too. Sounded like Maroney.

Boney Michel now?

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Yeah, the idea is probably to milk him for 5 years of rookie service and pass anyway. So as long as he can last through that we’re good.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

If he turns out to be a Bell, that’s great rookie value.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Do you really think it’s bad enough to seriously affect him? I doubt we would have drafted him in the first round if so. Not as if we don’t have our own doctors doing medical checkups.

SonySoxJim
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SonySoxJim

Didn’t Todd Gurley have injury concerns coming out of Georgia, too? Backs have short careers, anyway. As long as he can produce for the next 4-5 years, we’re golden.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Curtis Martin fell to the third round because of injury concerns about his knee. How’d that work out?

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Ralph Webb looks like a poor man’s James White

dp73
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dp73

With what we have a RB Webb seems to be a long shot to make the team unless he can play ST and take Bolden’s role. Could be a PS guy.

We will see . It is a long process to go.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

Considering James White initially looked like a poor man’s Shane Vereen, I will take that as a positive.

Saturn III
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Saturn III

So there is a warrant out for Jets WR Robby Anderson – some things never change.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

What’d he do?

NHBruh
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NHBruh

Besides play for the Jets you mean?

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

That should be a felony! Throw the book at him.

NHBruh
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NHBruh

I think he missed a court date for arraignment. Which in turn was for eluding cops cars with lights and sirens on. Incident in Florida; he claims he was never notified of the date.

bring
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bring

Bs and Cs in 2nd round of playoffs, Sox in 1st place

You wouldn’t know listening to Boston sports talk – they are obsessed with Brady vs Belichick.

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Your only mistake is listening to Boston sports talk

bring
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bring

keep your friends close and your enemies closer

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

That applies only if there is some way for the enemy to know about your existence. You’re just a stat for this “enemy.” Mental peace is of much higher value.

Mattsky
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Mattsky

I sometimes turn on the late morning and afternoon shows on WEEI if I’m driving when they are on. They both can be good. But losing Michael Holley dinged the afternoon show though.

dp73
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dp73

Holly was good.

Mattsky
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Mattsky

I like his books too.

NewEnglandBlight
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NewEnglandBlight

My motto for the past year: Embrace The Suck

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Bright side: Tuuka.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Meh…Bright like the winter sun in Finland?

MrLucky
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MrLucky

Embarrassing game all around. Defense was brutal.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

P……a…..t…….h…..e…..t……I……….c

cqrun
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cqrun

No problems with spell check there.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

In game adjustments…..

memokerobi
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memokerobi

I’d put Donato in for one of the 3rd liners. Non-existent offense from them so far

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Agreed. Need a spark.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Just win game 4!!!!

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Just…………sad.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Donald?

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Wow, they would call that an automatic goal and not a penalty shot? I never heard of that rule.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Me neither

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

I figured it out. The Bruins need Doc Emrick to call the game. Done well with him in the booth

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

You need to stop calling them the Ruins!! 🙂

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

LOL. Damn spell check still an issue.

cqrun
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cqrun

Yeah……spell check……

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Refs have swallowed their whistles here in the third. Guess we’re not getting any power plays tonight.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

That and Marchand’s rep isn’t helping any.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

And Tampa playing smothering D, they need to change it up strategy wise I guess, not a hockey expert 🙂

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Well, it’s the same thing in soccer when a team parks the bus. Not much you can do but just try to keep putting crosses in (or slapshots) and hope somebody deflects it in.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

Tampa playing better than Boston and some sh*tty refereeing

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Yep. Seems like the B’s are in a haze.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

B’s have played better than them in the third. They should’ve come out playing this hard. Tampa Bay is playing a disciplined defensive game (parking the bus in front of the goal), which you can do when you’re up by 2.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

WTF was that? Passing to a ghost???

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

TO: Bruins
FROM: fans
RE: passing
MESSAGE: You want to pass to players in the BLACK jerseys.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Hate to be negative but yet another bad turnover. No focus.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Game 4 is now a must win.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

We’re on to the third period!

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Why isn’t Donato playing? Is he still hurt? Could use his speed and spark.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

I didn’t hear about an injury for him. I thought his playoff absesnce was a coach’s decision. I agree, he should be playing. I heard that with the B’s at home, he may be back in the starting lineup but I guess not.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

It’s going to be hard to even up the game if we’re only playing with 5 guys vs 6.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

True, but they’re also playing like a junior hockey team. No energy either.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

WTF???? No penalty!!!!!!!! More bullshit.

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Pure bullshit

rking88
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rking88

marchand is not having a good series

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

No, but you can’t commit stupid penalties

rking88
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rking88

for sure… he’s been making bad decisions with the puck and getting bad penalties

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Oh…and out hustled. And stupid penalties….

MasterAndCommander
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MasterAndCommander

Where the hell are the Bruins from game 1? They are getting out skated, getting beaten to the puck. Poor passing, bad turnovers. No sense of urgency. No adjustments to TB’s changes. Pathetic.

Deadsmack #NotDone
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Deadsmack #NotDone

Kokoskov was the coach that led Slovenia to win the last Eurocup. The 2 biggest stars of that team are Dragic and … Doncic (a big favorite to be nº 1 pick of 2018 NBA draft).
I guess we all know what will happen if the Suns get the #1 pick of the draft.

Deadsmack #NotDone
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Deadsmack #NotDone

The Phoenix Suns have agreed to terms with Utah Jazz assistant Igor Kokoskov to become the franchise’s head coach. The two sides reached agreement on a three-year contract, league sources told ESPN.
Kokoskov, a native of Serbia, will be the first head coach born and raised outside North America in NBA history, the Suns said. He will begin his duties as head coach after Utah’s season concludes. The Jazz trail the Houston Rockets 1-0 in their Western Conference semifinal series.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Pedro Martinez and Bobby Orr sitting together. How’d you like to be in that luxury box?

Deadsmack #NotDone
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Deadsmack #NotDone

How Belichick & The Browns Built the Best Defense EVER | A Football Life | NFL Films

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8-WpsG75kk

Deadsmack #NotDone
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Deadsmack #NotDone

It’s really cool if you want the understand deeply the greatness of BB

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

I will watch it during the second intermission…B’s need to start skating!

PatriotPrideBoy
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PatriotPrideBoy

3 unanswered coming up

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

Go Bruins!

cqrun
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cqrun

Go Bears!

PatriotPrideBoy
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PatriotPrideBoy

I completely forgot that Shelton was on the team

dp73
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dp73
MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

I certainly like to hear his positive attitude but it will be tough for him to make the team/contribute. As Reiss said, Hill, Bolden, Gillislee, and Ralph Webb may be competing for one or two spots. Bolden plays special teams so that’s an advantage to him. I don’t think Hill does.

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

If Hill has turned a corner health-wise, its not hard to see him beating out Gillislee. He’s arguably a more talented version of the same player. So that leaves Bolden. It’s not that hard to imagine.

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

I prefer Gillislee but maybe I am under-rating Hill. I never found him all that impressive with the Bengals. He also has fumbling issues iirc.

dp73
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dp73

Hill has done more in the NFL and is better than Bolden, Gillislee, and Ralph Webb.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

Albert Breer
Per source, the Patriots did not pick up the fifth-year option on DT Malcom Brown.

Had a feeling this would happen as I wrote it here this morning. I think it makes sense

NHBruh
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NHBruh

Nor Dorsett’s.

dfwpatsfan
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dfwpatsfan

I thought they would pick up Brown’s. So either they think they can extend him for cheap or they are fine moving on from him.

dp73
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dp73

I will go with option 1.
I think Malcom Brown has been a good player and if he continues to be good the Patriots can extend him at their price not option price.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

100% agree

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Good move by the Pats to not pick up either option. One of them will be back anyway, we’ll see how the competition goes.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

Agree $7M+ is a very high number for a run stopping IDL unless you are Damon Harrison 🙂

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Yeah, looking over the FA list this year:
Beau Allen – 3 years, $15M (1 year, $5M + nongtd)
Kyle Williams – 1 year, $5.5M
Bennie Logan – 1 year, $4M
Sylvester Williams – 1 year, $3.5M
Tom Johnson – 1 year, $2.1M
Shamar Stephen – 1 year, $2.1M
The two nose guards who did better than 1 year $7M are Lotulelei and Dontari Poe. Different tier of players than Brown and Shelton.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

Yup and I thought Lotulelei was highly overpaid. The only 3-tech penetrator there in that list Tom Johnson and he is 34.

dp73
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dp73

I like Brown I think he was been a good player but not at 7M. I could see 3M-5M.

memokerobi
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memokerobi

Beau Allen’s contract looks like a good comparable

cqrun
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cqrun

That is a lot of IDL. What is the FA list for next year? A thin market helped drive up Solder’s price.

itsBradyBaby
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itsBradyBaby

Well maybe I’m wrong like I was about Jermaine Cunningham but I like Sam Christain.

Frank Stein
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Erik Flowers’ option not picked up by Giants .. shocked face

Saturn III
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Saturn III

LOL

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

I get that some people can’t wait to bury Dez Bryant, but he got released after Free Agency. Teams have all the leverage now.
Baltimore probably offered Bryant “3 years $21M” – one year guaranteed and two team options. The best he’s going to do at this point was always going to be a 1 year deal that lets him back on the market.

NHBruh
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NHBruh

Pats not picking up the 5th year option of DT Danny Shelton—>

itsBradyBaby
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itsBradyBaby

Good, let him earn it.

Calipatsfan3473
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Calipatsfan3473

Jags not picking up the 5th year option of DE Dante Fowler—–>

itsBradyBaby
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itsBradyBaby

Well Dez can file a collusion case

Mattsky
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Mattsky

It’s been reported he turned down 3 years / 21 million from the Ravens.

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Yes, and we don’t know what the breakdown on that 3/$21M is. Might have been low in guarantees. Let’s wait and see what actually happens to him.

Calipatsfan3473
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Calipatsfan3473

For what? Running one route and being slow??

MattDog #FreeBoney
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MattDog #FreeBoney

GOAL MANE!!!!

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Gucci Mane?

vitamalt
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vitamalt

I really wish I could get rid of this psychological injury.

Neil X
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Neil X

Don’t worry about it, it’s all in your head.

Mattsky
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Mattsky

What’s wrong?

vitamalt
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vitamalt

PTSD

hugo #FreeBoney
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hugo #FreeBoney

Sorry to hear that, bruh. Not really something we can help with unfortunately. I know there’s hotlines and that’s all.