“Hell is unnamed sources.” Jean-Paul Satire
The January 5 release of a Seth Wickersham article has led to rampant speculation that ESPN may lose its title of “Worldwide Leader in Sports” as early as this year, say several anonymous sources.
Sources say Wickersham’s article, coming on the heels of another round of personnel layoffs, is a sign of ESPN’s decline.
One source cites the recent snowstorm as the cause of the article’s release, claiming that several employees were snowed in at work when the blizzard struck Bristol.
“Seth was supposed to go to Foxboro to speak with more unnamed sources,” says the unnamed source. “But there was no way he was getting out of those drifts, so he had to finish the thing overnight.”
With the inevitable decline of ESPN on the horizon, sources say new networks based on all seven continents intend to compete for the title of “Worldwide Leader in Sports.”
One source based in Antarctica says that the plan for competition will consist of a battle royale to the death.
“The working title is the Battle for Unending Leisure Scoops and Hot Takes,” the source says. “It’s not the best acronym in the world, but it will do.”
Wall-to-wall coverage of this decline can be seen 24/7 on ESPN2.
Well, you would think with no Pats game this weekend the BSJ TUMS-O-METER would take a break. Far from it. There are still games to fret about that will determine who the Pats will play on Jan. 13. That being said, this week’s prediction is 1/2 bottle of TUMS.